Tide Pods – Super Bowl Snacks

Closeup Photography of Bun With Cheese, Patty, Egg, and Bacon

For those of you who haven’t yet visited the new Food Lion store in Wake Forest, which, based on the hoard of shoppers we had to fight our way through now there can’t be many, I wanted to give you a quick rundown on some of the things you can expect at this fresh modern location.

One of the first things I found unique was how all the sidewalks funnel you down to the sides of the building, you know, so that you can enter the vestibule through the doors that are perpendicular to the front of the building (for those of you from Iron-Duff that is a fancy way of saying that there is a porch which sticks out from the front of the house and instead of having steps that go right up the middle the steps is finished on each side). Strange thing was, when we got to the side of the vestibule, there won’t no doors there. So what you need to do is, step back out into the street, avoid getting hit, and then walk back to the front of the vestibule where the doors are (porch for those of you from Iron-Duff). I have to say, with an abysmal over that front area (covered porch for those of you from Iron-Duff) would have been really handy during today’s monsoon.

Now if you’re thinking that all this work just to get inside might not be worth it, fear not, once inside you will find all the groceries you came for, not to mention the opportunity to stroll through the walk-in produce cooler. This room is properly humidified and adequately cooled so as to maintain the freshest vegetables in the city. Upon exiting the produce cave you’ll end up drifting through their new state of the art Deli. Folks, they’ve got subs, pizzas, pastas, sandwiches, sushi, and even whole fried chickens. You can imagine my excitement viewing each of the delis offerings, especially after having to spend all that time in the create cave. Produce cooler, are you kidding me? Hey Food Lion, how bout the next time ya’ll get together to design a store and some young hipster walks in the area and says you need a create cooler over there where the beer cave was, ya’ll do a small grownup’n and put him back on night shift stocking shelves. Trust me, a month or two of night shift coupled with the disruption of his delicate circadian rhythm and he’ll forget all about his organic vegan ways, but I digress.

So back to the deli, where now is Super Bowl Sunday and I am going to buy myself a couple dozen Wing Dings. I’m thinking maybe I’ll get a dozen routine Wing Dings and a Dozen Spicy Wing Dings, right? So I’m looking all up and down the hot shelf and I don’t find any, so I asked this nice young fellow from the deli section where I might locate the Wing Dings. I assumed he worked in the deli because he was wearing a blue, fresh from the bag, Food Lion polo with a shiny new badge. The badge had his name on it, or at least I think it was his name, it is hard to tell if they use them old-school Dymo labelers. I say all of this to help explain what happened next, because what I heard was a statement that I assumed was simply coming from the mouth of some new kid, one who doesn’t understand the retail business yet, or perhaps he just isn’t up to speed on all things Food Lion yet, cause what he says was,”we do not make Wing Dings anymore”!! At that very moment I gave that young man my full attention, looked him right in the eyes, and demanded that he explain his statement! Before the poor child could even get out three great b of a”b-b-b-but” stutter, another fellow decided he might need to intervene. Additionally wearing one of them new blue polo shirts with accompanying Dymo embossed name tag, although his denoted him as the”Deli Manager”, he proceeded to affirm the young lads previously stated gut wrenching news by saying,”yep, that’s right, we ain’t gonna make those Wing Dings anymore. We have this brand new hot pub over here where you can get em any way you want em”, as he points toward a rolling buffet that is just the perfect height to allow children to play. Folks, that ain’t the way I want em!

If you’re wondering what I did next, I’ll let you know. I did the only thing a self-respecting man can do, I grabbed one of these to-go boxes and proceeded to pick out a dozen of these overheated drawn up on the bone diabeetus sauce covered fake chicken wings. I didn’t do this because I wanted to mind you, but rather because Beth had snatched me by the arm and told me to stop my whining, leave the bad deli kid alone, do or don’t get some of them dang chicken wings way she don’t care, and come on so we can complete shopping. Together with my wings in the buggy, I ended my pouting when pushing our cart throughout the land of lost promises, all the while taking care not to bump into the little old women blocking the aisles while they waited to hear from the store manager as to whether or not the grand opening sale price for tuna fish would still be honored next week.

Now for those of you who are worried about me and worry as to how I could possibly survive without Wing Dings, please rest easy, for I will eventually find a gas station deli that fixes their wings just how I like em. I want to ask however, that in the event you have a spare minute, you might want to say a prayer for the poor cashier that checked us out, I’m sure she would appreciate it. Turns out that I wasn’t the only one that was disappointed in our shopping experience and wondering what the world was coming to. By the time we got home, someone else had gotten in her fair share of whining too. Now while Beth may not share my affinity for Wing Dings, she did seem to have some pet peeves in regards to bagging her groceries, along with a couple of choice words for the poor cashier that did the baggin. She seemed genuinely surprised that the cashier had put our toothpaste in the same bag with all our cleaning supplies, which included a bottle of liquid bleach. I guess it takes a lot more than bagging bleach and toothpaste together to shock me nowadays, particularly when the bagger is in the same generation that’s eating Tide Pods. I can see the new ad campaign now;

“Are you looking for a mouthwash which provides Whiter Teeth and a Brighter Smile, give Clorox a try. (Also kills germs known to cause bad breath)”.

Beth also took issue with the fact that the cashier bagged our raw sausage and fresh mixed greens together. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that the young lady did not provide us with any food safety precautions, I mean, at least she did have the decency to place both items in one of these there”blue bags” in order we would know what was inside would need to be refrigerated once we got home. We’ve all heard those stories about families getting sick from their own cooking, and how it could’ve easily been prevented had they have just followed some sound sanitation and hygiene practices when working in the kitchen. Lets take my sausage and mixed greens issue for example. By me merely selecting the appropriate utensils, this young cashiers bagging faux pas poses no health risk to me or my family whatsoever. I just start my preparation by grabbing a cast iron skillet out from beneath the cooker. Next, I turn one of the huge stove eyes to medium-high (6-7). To prevent any sticking, I suggest that you allow the skillet to heat for 2-3 minutes, just long enough so that you can feel the heat coming up from the skillet when you wave your hands over it but not so long that it’ll burn your fingers when you touch it. Once properly pre-heated, throw that sausage in the pan and cook it till its browned on both sides yet still greasy in the middle. The browning of the exterior of the sausage is the most important step, as it ensures that the pan was hot enough to burn off any germs which the sausage might have picked up from touching them nasty greens.

For those who have a opportunity to go visit the new Food Lion, I recommend you wait a couple of days.

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